Like a lot of folks, I grew up playing games. I remember playing One Must Fall when I was 4 or 5 and thinking it was just about the coolest thing ever (it was; giant fighting robots!). Of course, I was quickly forbidden from playing something so violent. I have a vivid recollection that “I’d be allowed to play when I turned 6”. Which I forgot until long after I was 6 and had moved to other games (like Trophy Bass 2, the second coolest thing ever).

Eventually though, Diablo came out. It would often crash our computer once you got to hell, but I convinced myself that pushing the logo on the front would help the loading screen to complete instead. Then Homm3 came out, but our screen didn’t support the resolution it required, so it was only half-playable. We persevered though, having to avoid fighting any monsters who were ranged, since they would just kill us from offscreen. Once we bought a new monitor, Homm was all I wanted to do.

Diablo 2 came out in 2000, so I was 8. My brother bought a copy, but I couldn’t afford my own. I remember waking up early on weekend mornings so that I could sneak over and play on his computer. He wasn’t keen on that–I’d bolt if I heard any noise from his room–but I had to play on his computer because my pirated copy wouldn’t work on battle.net, and what was the point of playing alone when I could play with…anyone?

I’m sure I did other things in those years, but all I remember is D2. I got my friend Nick to play with me and we spent every moment we could playing or talking about the game. Both of our parents ended up giving us our own landlines (this was before cell phones) because they were tired of us being on the phone playing Diablo all the time. I used to tape mine to my head so that I could play hands free before I finally saved up for a headset phone.

From then on, most of my free time was spent playing online games. Diablo 2 -> Runescape -> Star Wars Galaxies -> City of Villains -> World of Warcraft -> Age of Conan and various mixtures therein. I track periods of my life based on what MMOs I was playing at the time. I grew up in those worlds with those people. I think about it often, too. What if I’d spent those years learning a skill or socializing with actual physical beings? How much better could I bet at programming or art or just living? But then I remember the memories I do have.

I remember feeling my heart race the first time I walked into the Den of Evil in Diablo 2. I remember how clever I felt when I stole that one guy’s account and the guilt that made me give it back immediately once I realized what I’d done.

I remember how awesome it felt to take on crazy odds in Star Wars Galaxies PvP. I remember the frustration that everyone would rather gang up on individuals than have a fair fight. The bitter disappointment that people I respected had no problem joining in.

I remember late nights just talking to people who lived thousands of miles away and hearing about their lives and growing to love them. A summer spent up all night playing Age of Conan because we just had to rush to max level.

I remember the Starsider coffee threads, which were there every morning to remind us all that we were a part of a community, that our crazy problems mattered, and that they didn’t. I remember how cool it was to buy a laptop with the money I’d made selling virtual stuff. I remember hours of theorycrafting, trying to decode combat formulae so that we could keep fighting those 3v10s.

I remember taking the boat into Howling Fjord for the first time. So many memories from WoW raids, especially in Wrath. Flame Leviathan. Mimiron.  Anub’Arak. Sindragosa. Arthas. I had a great time working with some of my favorite people ever to down those bosses. I remember practicing 3v3 arena on the tournament realm, thinking we’d go pro. There are so many more. Maybe someday I’ll make a real list so that I can always look back and remind myself of that journey.

Triumph! Betrayal! Hearbreak! Shame! Pride! I experienced the gamut, all while growing up in these online communities. I have decade long friendships from those games, as well as dozens of people who I’d love to hear from but probably never will. Probably some enemies in there too…

These are all real, emotional, social, often educational experiences. Games have taught me so much, from how to spell “knight”, to how to lead a team of people. On top of that, they teach in the best way possible–by inviting you to experiment and learn and experience in a place where you are (mostly) safe. I formed real, lasting relationships. I learned that stealing feels shitty without having to actually steal anything real (I know, it was still kinda real, I gave it back!). I learned that I could make money and support myself long before I had to. All because of games. All before I’d even left highschool. I think that’s awesome.

That’s why I make games. All of those experiences that I’ve had, I want to share those with anyone who wants them. And to me, that’s what games are for: to share experiences. I want to share them with my generation that missed these games because they were outside, and with whoever comes later when the games I grew up on have faded to nothingness. I grew up on the Starsider server of Star Wars Galaxies, but it’s long gone now. Maybe I can make another Starsider for someone else to grow up on. Maybe I can make something better. I’m sure as hell going to try.